somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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