I'm so fucking centered right now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
