You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
