just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
