I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
