so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
