dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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