We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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