all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Even my vagina gasped.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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