Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
