I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
