Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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