I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
