How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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