this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize