Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
