loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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