I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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