No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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