So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
