He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
