With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
