I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
