there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
