You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
