take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
