how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
