doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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