I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
