I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
