Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
