turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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