eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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