You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
