my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
