The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
