I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
