matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
