I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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