Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
