A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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