So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
