Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
