speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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