Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
