i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
