i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
