would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
