vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
