What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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