there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
