I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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