i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
