Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
