We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's rum buckets o'clock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I touched a dick in church today
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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