I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
