You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
