wanna go halves on a baby?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
