never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
