remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well you can't waste a boner
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
