I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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