Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
