also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
