You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
