glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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