I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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