Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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