life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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