dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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