Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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