No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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