If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
