Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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