i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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