Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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