Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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