I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
