Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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