This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
