Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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