I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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