i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
