I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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